I’ve discovered that as a bartender I tend to hear a lot of conversations about a lot of different things. And some of the things I overhear probably weren’t meant for anyone’s ears but the people involved in the conversation. And some, I just feel the need to share.

So I have created a new category, “Overheard At The Bar”, and I’ll be sharing a few of the choice bits I hear that either make my jaw drop (which I’ll be detailing in a second here), or that just make me laugh.

Bill is a regular at the bar, and usually orders anywhere between five and eight Jim Bean and ginger-ales. He’s in his mid-sixties, quite a nice guy and always leaves a $20 tip. Not bad, especially when you’re on your own behind the bar and don’t have to split it. Last night he came in and sat next to a trio of ladies, and after a couple of drinks, started chatting up the one sitting next to him. She responded positively to him, and within forty-five minutes (and three drinks later) was totally ignoring her companions and focusing solely on Bill. More power to him, as is my mantra for any guy who’s chatting up a good looking lady.

Well, walking by Bill and his lady friend at one point, I heard him say to her “So…have you ever heard of the mile-high club?” I damn near laughed out loud right there. Heck with dinner, or even “Let’s go to the hotel down the street” — He’s shooting for the stars, almost literally. Granted, I probably took it out of context, but it was still pretty funny to hear. Heck of a pick-up line…
Later on that same evening, I was called down to the end of the bar. The couple at that end had been drinking wine all night (polishing off a $70 bottle of wine along with two other glasses) and were obviously in a good mood. When I got there, the lady (who’d been the one who’d requested my presence) looked at her boyfriend/husband/guy-she-just-knew and said “OK, ask him.”

Uh-oh, I thought.

He looked at her, and then looked at me, and said “What’s a carpet-muncher?”

This is where the jaw dropped, as I alluded to earlier in this post.

I said “You don’t know what a carpet-muncher is?” and he shook his head no, while his girlfriend/wife/girl-he-just-knew was sitting there starting to giggle.

So, I told him. His eyes got big and he looked at her and said “Really?”

She said “yes!” rather enthusiastically and then asked him “Where the hell are you from?”

“Cleveland!” he replied.

Apparently they don’t know what carpet-munching is in Cleveland. I knew I didn’t like that place.

Anyhow, I laughed with her, and then said “I’m not sure I want to know how this came up in the conversation, so I’ll be back down at the other end out of earshot if either of you need me to fill in more gaps in sexual lingo”

I tell ya though…I got a good tip out of them. :)