I hate this time of the year.

No, not because the retailers are shoving all their sales items and non-sales items down my throat every time I turn on the TV or Radio. It’s not because I’m sick unto death of all the Christmas carols. Truthfully, I’ve managed to avoid a lot of them. And it’s not because the commercialization of Christmas has overshadowed the spirit of Christmas. I’ve actually seen quite a few people smiling, being polite and in general, just being nicer.

Nope, I hate this time of year because in their desire to be generous and giving this holiday season, my co-workers all feel the need to share their cookies with me. Everyone of my co-workers. All 632 of my co-workers. They all have cookies! And they’re GOOD cookies. Chocolate chip. The peanut butter cookies with the big Hershey’s Kiss on them. Sugar cookies in festive shapes of season (I derive a sadistic sort of pleasure from biting Rudolph’s head off). Butterscotch Snaps. Peppermint. Cookies with icing, cookies with M&Ms, even oatmeal raisin, which I don’t like. If you’re going to send me cookies, don’t send oatmeal raisin.

Lord do I feel fat. I really need to get out and exercise. Walk the dog, walk the mall (akin to committing suicide this time of year, I know), maybe go to the rec center and play some raquetball or something. I need exercise!

Whoa, wait. Was that a tray of chocolate meringue cookies that just went by?