BeMused

BulaCollazo : hey Shad
Shad : And you are?
BulaCollazo : mari
BulaCollazo : why
Shad : Sorry Mari, I think you have the wrong person
Shad : I don’t know a Mari
BulaCollazo : wats ur screen name
Shad : ….
Shad : the one you’re IM’ing with
BulaCollazo : who?
Shad : Shad
BulaCollazo : yes
Shad : the one you’re IMing with
BulaCollazo : huh
BulaCollazo : ?
Shad : my screen name is Shad
BulaCollazo : wats ur real name
Shad : Shad
BilaCollazo : No ur real name
Shad : It is my real name
BulaCollazo : o iight r u sure
BulaCollazo : ?
Shad : that’s what it says on my driver’s license
Shad : So, like I said, you have the wrong person
BulaCollazo : ok ok
BulaCollazo : bye
BulaCollazo : ttyl
Shad : bye

The IMs have been scare a bit as of late - usually when they find out I’m not who they’re looking for, they just leave me alone. Which is fine. I had a couple recently I thought’d I’d share. Enjoy; you know I always do.

—

larence32: Hey queer how do I get music off this shit?
shad: you have music on your shit?
larence32: My shit is very melodic.
shad: then eat less fiber
larence32: Tune filled turds
larence32: You make a mockery of our fun
larence32: I there a way for us to send music over this?
shad: You have no idea who you’re talking to, do you
shad: You don’t know who I am…
larence32: Is this Shad at OneVenice way
shad: Nope
larence32: Sorry Peace
shad: later

—

KnoxD08: was good?
Shad: Who’s this?
KnoxD08:This Is Dari…U Dont know me?
shad: No..and you don’t know me either. You have the wrong person
KnoxD08:Is this Rashad?
shad: No
KnoxD08: who is this?
shad: Shad
KnoxD08: wats ur last name
KnoxD08: jus wondering not stalkin or nothin like that
shad: Why do you care what my last name is? you don’t know me YOU DIRTY DIAPER PUS BAG
shad: Christ
shad: sorry about that
shad: I have a weird form of Tourettes
KnoxD08: um chill out im jus tryin to figure out who dis is thats all
shad: I know, I know - sorry. It doesn’t happen often, promise.
shad: you SOGGY WET TOILET WAD
shad: God! sorry about that - some days are worse than others…
KnoxD08: um ok…
shad: As I said, my name is Shad, not Rashad
KnoxD08: ooh okay mah bad
KnoxD08: and wats tourettes?
Shad: it’s a neurological disorder. It makes me twitchy and I spontaneously shout (or type) phrases like the diaper bag one. Usually they’re crass and obscene, but like I said, I have a weird form of it, so it’s not so drastic
KnoxD08: damn, thats sum freaky shit
KnoxD08: u do that all the time?
Shad: Well, it comes and goes YOU USED UP KLEENEX and sometimes I can go weeks without it happening.
Shad: half the time I don’t notice it right away, but I see I just called you a kleenex. Sorry.
KnoxD08: ur a trip
Shad: yeah, it can be weird if you’re not used to it.
Shad: SCRUFFY GOAT NASTY HAIR CAUGHT IN THE DRAIN COFFEE DREGS GROSS EAR WAX ON A Q-TIP PIECE OF CHEWED UP BUBBLE GUM!!
Shad: geez - sorry, I’m really having a bad episode, I’d better go…
KnoxD08: its straight i understand that completely
KnoxD08: mah fault for botheriing u

ch3y905: Hi
ch3y905: I’m bord
shad: so you thought you’d IM a complete stranger and alleviate the boredom?
ch3y905: Uh???
ch3y905: How old are you
shad: older than you
ch3y905: How older
shad: I can drink legally, rent a car, and run for president…
shad: that tell you anything?
ch3y905: I’m older
ch3y905: Yes
ch3y905: And I can drink to
ch3y905: And I can rent a car
shad: can you run for president?
ch3y905: Soo what
ch3y905: Maybe yes or no
ch3y905: Give me numbers
shad: 38
shad: 32
shad: 56
shad: 29
shad: 75
shad: 86
shad: 245
shad: …how many numbers do you want?
ch3y905: I mean ur age dumb ass
ch3y905: And I finish college
shad: oh you do?
ch3y905: 8 years ago
ch3y905: So
ch3y905: I maye be older then you
shad: Well, geez, what kind of college did you go to? It should have been “finished” college
shad: they sure didn’t learn ya good in them thar classes did they
ch3y905: Bitch,
ch3y905: You are dumb
ch3y905: Plus I have kids I’m older then you
shad: Wow, you must be REALLY old then - and you know how to operate this here internet thingy?
shad: I am most impressed
ch3y905: You need to learn how to treat ur olers
shad: I thought it was the providence of only the young
shad: and what the hell is an oler?
ch3y905: Yes of course I know how to work with the internet
ch3y905: Who dosent you
ch3y905: Cuz ur a dumb ass bitch
shad: I iz a dumazz bitch
shad: tha’s right!
shad: see, I can talk ghetto talk like you youngsters
shad:
ch3y905: Thanx for the confessing
ch3y905: I anit young
ch3y905: Bitch you a child ok not
ch3y905: Me
shad: you know, for a self-confessed college graduate, you sure come off sounding about as bright as a box of hair…
ch3y905: I’m not going to waste my time so goodbye ass hole
shad: bye!
ch3y905: You shouldn’t talk about ur mom like that
shad: Mom???
shad: Hi!
shad: How’s Dad?
shad: How’s his gall bladder?

What a way to start a Monday - I know I said that every time I make a post, I’ll try to have more of the design completed, but this was just too funny not to share right away. At least it was funny to me!

muratasik1907%40gmail.com: who is this
Shad: Who are you?
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: this is murat
agent
and you
?
Shad: Agent Murat?
damn, am I glad you found me…I’ve been out here in the field for weeks with no support!
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: where?
Shad: I need to get a message back to HQ - coded Priority T1
message reads as follows: John has a long mustache.
repeat: John has a long mustache
Attached as follows: Ice Cream has no bones
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: man
Shad: repeat back to me please on secure channel
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: will you tell me your name :d

Shad: Agent Murat, you know you’re not supposed to request the names of agents in the field. You could compromise their position
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: ok
ok man
Shad: Please repeat back coded priority message
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: i just asked a simple question because this messenger was downloaded by my assistant and I am now tru=ying to see who are peoples online
I am sorry
Shad: ….
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: to disturb you
Shad: are you NOT Agent Murat?!
oh my god…
muratasik1907%40gmail.com: My name is MURAT
Shad: I’ve got to get off this channel
they could be watching me RIGHT NOW
Burn the papers!
Format the Hard Drive!
Your life is in danger!
RUN!!!!!!
muratasik1907@gmail.com is offline

He literally signed off right when I said run…hahah

I’m hoping that with each new post I want to make, I come in here, see the state of things, and add a bit more. As I wanted to post a couple of IMs I’ve recently received, I figured I’d make a few more changes. Ignore the state of the comments page, etc. Still a work in progress. Anyhow, onto the IMs -

PattiCollins3: Im sorry for telling you to go to hell. I think looking at your pics made me realize I was just still in love with our memories. Im not over how we broke up in the first place. Im sure not over you putting the kids in our argument. I just needed that closure, now I have it.

PattiCollins3: Just wanted to apologize for something I really didn’t mean, that’s all.

Shad: Um….wow….

Shad: uh, hate to say this - but you have the wrong person

Shad: I don’t know a Patti Collins…

PattiCollins3: whatever, I felt like I needed to apologize for saying that and I have.

Shad: OK…but shouldn’t you say it to the guy you’re mad at? Or were mad at?

PattiCollins3: I DID,,, GOODBYE

~~~~

honey87dip: i miss ya punk ass
honey87dip: aint seen u in foreva
honey87dip: just left without sayin goodbye
honey87dip: (tear)
Shad: I’m thinkin’ you have the wrong person
honey87dip: Shad wat the hell u talkin bout
honey87dip: u was mia finals week nigga
honey87dip: aint nobody see ur black ass
Shad: that’s ’cause I ain’t GOT a black ass
Shad: I’ve got a WHITE ASS
Shad: you HAVE the WRONG PERSON
honey87dip: Okk

These two IMs came in right at the same time last night… Bigfrank’s came in first, so I posted him first…

***

Bigfrank700 (8:20:14 PM): hi shad
shad (8:19:49 PM): Hi!
shad (8:19:54 PM): who the heck are you?
Bigfrank700 (8:21:01 PM): (ninja)
shad (8:20:27 PM): (pirate)
shad (8:20:29 PM): FIGHT
shad (8:20:39 PM): :::queue Mortal Combat theme :::
Bigfrank700 (8:22:30 PM): ur talking to Hestafan4372
shad (8:22:07 PM): aww, not fair ganging up!
Bigfrank700 (8:26:35 PM): (emo)
shad (8:26:04 PM): You know…I wish my lawn was emo
shad (8:26:09 PM): …then it’d cut itself
shad (8:26:15 PM): I’ve got a million of ‘em folks!
Bigfrank700 (8:27:21 PM): very origina
Bigfrank700 (8:27:25 PM): original

—

Hestafan4372 (8:21:17 PM): hey shad
shad (8:20:53 PM): and you are?
Hestafan4372 (8:21:47 PM): yo momma
Hestafan4372 (8:21:52 PM): hahahahahahaha
Hestafan4372 (8:22:51 PM): r u talking to Bigfrank700
Hestafan4372 (8:23:33 PM): hes my bro
Hestafan4372 (8:23:38 PM): were tight
shad (8:22:58 PM): Do you see me caring?
Hestafan4372 (8:23:59 PM): yea u want all of this
shad (8:23:39 PM): all of…what?
shad (8:23:44 PM): your IMs?
shad (8:23:50 PM): I don’t want your IMs
Hestafan4372 (8:24:39 PM): idk
shad (8:23:55 PM): I want…
shad (8:23:57 PM): ALL YOUR BASE
Hestafan4372 (8:24:46 PM): i just said it
Hestafan4372 (8:24:54 PM): i felt like it deel wit it
Hestafan4372 (8:25:10 PM): r u talking to bigfrank700
shad (8:24:42 PM): No, I kicked his ass with my Pirate
Hestafan4372 (8:25:35 PM): wht
Hestafan4372 (8:25:38 PM): ?????????
Hestafan4372 (8:25:50 PM): hes my best friend ill mess u up
shad (8:25:07 PM): He thought his ninja was badass, but I kicked it hard
Hestafan4372 (8:25:58 PM): how old r u
shad (8:25:32 PM): 37
shad (8:25:38 PM): and a half
Hestafan4372 (8:26:32 PM): wht seriosly
Hestafan4372 (8:26:35 PM): no ur not
Hestafan4372 (8:26:47 PM): gtg
Hestafan4372 (8:27:42 PM): no i dont
Hestafan4372 (8:27:47 PM): r u really 37
shad (8:27:47 PM): and a half
Hestafan4372 (8:28:43 PM): no way
Hestafan4372 (8:29:03 PM): well blocky block

Hestafan4372 signed off at 8:28:19 PM.
Hestafan4372 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

heeee - usually it’s me that blocks them. Nice to see I was beaten to the punch

Bishop of DwB (7:47:11 PM): ‘allo there!
shad (7:47:23 PM): and you are?
shad (7:47:28 PM): Bishop of what?
Bishop of DwB (7:47:53 PM): old guild I was in
shad (7:47:59 PM): You’re not a real bishop
shad (7:48:06 PM): I bet you don’t even go diagonal…
Bishop of DwB (7:48:24 PM): :-/
Bishop of DwB (7:50:11 PM): Bishop was my favorite X-Man
shad (7:50:19 PM): Did he travel diagonally?
Bishop of DwB (7:50:37 PM): no, just in time
shad (7:50:33 PM): Then he’s a fraud!
Bishop of DwB (7:50:53 PM): no, he’s from the future
shad (7:51:52 PM): Hey, if he ain’t going diagonally, I don’t care if he’s from the future, the past, or Newark, I still say he’s not right…
shad (7:52:02 PM): …unless bishops don’t go diagonally in the future?
Bishop of DwB (7:52:27 PM): I dunno, I’m not from the future myself
Bishop of DwB (7:52:32 PM): just wish i was I guess. :-/

Love the short ‘n sweet ones.

Reaganjv8 (9:33:21 PM): s
Reaganjv8 (9:33:22 PM): s
Reaganjv8 (9:33:23 PM): s
Reaganjv8 (9:33:23 PM): s
Reaganjv8 (9:33:24 PM): s
Reaganjv8 (9:33:24 PM): ssss
shad (9:34:01 PM): parseltongue?
Reaganjv8 (9:34:23 PM): who is this
shad (9:34:28 PM) It’s HiiiisssssSSSSSSSSsss
Reaganjv8 (9:35:46 PM): this is rashad i thought i sent this to my phone
Reaganjv8 (9:35:56 PM): i mighteve set it up wrong my bad
shad (9:36:07 PM): I’m guessing so, ’cause I’m not you.
Reaganjv8 (9:37:42 PM): do uk how to send messages to a phone
shad (9:37:56 PM): they have to be setup to use Mobil AIM
Reaganjv8 (9:38:23 PM): oh iight
Reaganjv8 (9:38:26 PM): thnx
shad (9:38:25 PM): sure